memoir

This is the story when my Mom passed away. At that time, I’m blurred between happiness of she ended her suffer, and sad because she’s gone. Tears come, for the sake of trauma. Mom didn’t cry when my father died 10 years ago, but I saw her loss frozen in her life. I didnt want end up like that, so I cried. 

Then I think I fly over. I don’t take mourning time I guess. My friends woulnt want to leave me alone. So I take my free time to cheer up, and indeed I am. Yet I still do Yasin every magrib/subuh.

But it become right that I never can measure my heart correctly, for the times Dr.Dave assured me that when my gastric bleed  thats because of  overstressed,  for the times i felt I’m strong but for real am not.  I learn that as a sign, my gastric, the fallin hair, the acne. Because sometime tears wouldn’t come, anger cannot be released but something inside made it clear.

She was my best friend, my biggest ally. Now that she’s gone, I thought I have to restate reasons. Reasons why I have to be that, why I have to do that, and else. And maybe found new ally.  Which is hard. And now I find myself wondering around, judging people’s profile which is ended up in a conclusion, I’m in such a huge noise, yet I felt silence. And there comes LONELINESS.

So for the person I shared my tears. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my broken heart.